I think people try to not focus so much on their flaws, who wants to go through life constantly seeing the negative in their life? But sometimes, its imperative that we look inside ourselves, to see what others see, or even what we hide from others. Sometimes its the things that not one can see that are the most poisonous.
I find I am a mass of complex and interweaving components, that are usually hard to separate and untangle. For instance, many people tell me that I am far too trusting and forgive people too easily. And this is true. I have a tendency to trust, not only easily, but completely, and to forgive people that have hurt me, even in astronomical ways.
So, it doesn't make sense to me, in a way, that one of the things I really need to work hard on is trusting people right now. There are certain things in my life right now that I have a lot of trouble trusting, and they're things, that, if I'm being logical, I should have no trouble trusting. So I don't know why I let it freak me out, and take control. I don't want to be un-trusting, in fact, the very opposite. But I don't know how to fix it yet and that really sucks. I hate feeling like this.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Back to Blogging
Wow, I hate to be a broken record, but I don't know how I do it. I think I'm the only person in the world, who actually forgets that I have a blog to write! If anyone has any ideas on how to keep my posting on here regular...I'd love to hear it!
Let's see now...an update on how I'm doing. You might remember a few posts back, I mentioned meeting a boy (if you don't go ahead and skim back, I'll wait).....well, to be honest, it was a difficult road to travel. We liked each other, but he had a recent ex he wasn't quite over, and for a while I thought it wasn't going to go anywhere worthwhile. But, I am happy to report that I have been dating said boy for just about 5 months now. :) And as sappy as it may sound, I couldn't imagine my life without him and hope that I'll never have to return to that. It'll be six months for us in December, a year on June 18th 2010.
Aside from that, I am still working my job at Little Italy, taking orders and serving food. Not a bad job at all. Next Thursday I interview with Bank of America for a part time job there, and if I get it, it will nicely supplement the money I'm getting from Deli job.
I celebrated my 24th birthday on Monday. It's weird, I don't feel that old. Most days I feel like I still belong in high school. When did all this time pass me by? It's just crazy! But I celebrated at Disneyland with my family and Charles (my sexy boyfriend), we had a lot of fun, and it wasn't too busy so we got on all the rides no problem. Chuck and I bought passes, we'll be going back definitely for his mom's birthday in December and if I have my way, a few more times besides that!
Well, even though quite a few months have passed since my last entry, I believe I'm all caught up with everything thats new in my life. Hopefully I'll be back soon, I'll try to be better at remembering!
Let's see now...an update on how I'm doing. You might remember a few posts back, I mentioned meeting a boy (if you don't go ahead and skim back, I'll wait).....well, to be honest, it was a difficult road to travel. We liked each other, but he had a recent ex he wasn't quite over, and for a while I thought it wasn't going to go anywhere worthwhile. But, I am happy to report that I have been dating said boy for just about 5 months now. :) And as sappy as it may sound, I couldn't imagine my life without him and hope that I'll never have to return to that. It'll be six months for us in December, a year on June 18th 2010.
Aside from that, I am still working my job at Little Italy, taking orders and serving food. Not a bad job at all. Next Thursday I interview with Bank of America for a part time job there, and if I get it, it will nicely supplement the money I'm getting from Deli job.
I celebrated my 24th birthday on Monday. It's weird, I don't feel that old. Most days I feel like I still belong in high school. When did all this time pass me by? It's just crazy! But I celebrated at Disneyland with my family and Charles (my sexy boyfriend), we had a lot of fun, and it wasn't too busy so we got on all the rides no problem. Chuck and I bought passes, we'll be going back definitely for his mom's birthday in December and if I have my way, a few more times besides that!
Well, even though quite a few months have passed since my last entry, I believe I'm all caught up with everything thats new in my life. Hopefully I'll be back soon, I'll try to be better at remembering!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Miss me?
So, yeah, its basically been forever since the last time i posted. I don;t know whats wrong with me, that I can't keep up with a simple thing like a blog. I need to have better priorities, haha. A lot of things have changed since my last couple posts. First of all, and probably the most important: I got a job! YAY! Not the most hours or the best pay in the world, but hey, I love the my boss, love the work, and am making enough money to pay my bills, what more could a girl possibily ask for?
Secondly, I got accepted to a Master's program abroad at Dublin City University, and since the program was everything I ever wanted from a Grad degree, and I've wanted to go to Ireland for as long as I can rememer, it seemed like an ideal opportunity. However, due to financial issues, I wont be able to go, but being accepted was awesome enough and there's always time to go back and get a higher degree.
Thirdly, just about everyone I know is getting married this summer, so I'm really excited to support them and go to their weddings...although I have to admit to being the most excited about Amanda's wedding, cause I get I be to be in it! Also, due to Lindsay's wedding, I get to see my friend Carly who I haven't seen in about 3 years now, which will be amazing, I miss that girl like crazy!
And lets not forget four...my sister and her husband come back from England in a few days and will be living at home again for a couple months, before we move them up to Nor Cal! So, as you can see, its shaping up to be an amazing couple of months, and I can't wait!!
So, hopefully, I'll do a better job of updating in the near future, but if not, see you in a few months! haha.
Secondly, I got accepted to a Master's program abroad at Dublin City University, and since the program was everything I ever wanted from a Grad degree, and I've wanted to go to Ireland for as long as I can rememer, it seemed like an ideal opportunity. However, due to financial issues, I wont be able to go, but being accepted was awesome enough and there's always time to go back and get a higher degree.
Thirdly, just about everyone I know is getting married this summer, so I'm really excited to support them and go to their weddings...although I have to admit to being the most excited about Amanda's wedding, cause I get I be to be in it! Also, due to Lindsay's wedding, I get to see my friend Carly who I haven't seen in about 3 years now, which will be amazing, I miss that girl like crazy!
And lets not forget four...my sister and her husband come back from England in a few days and will be living at home again for a couple months, before we move them up to Nor Cal! So, as you can see, its shaping up to be an amazing couple of months, and I can't wait!!
So, hopefully, I'll do a better job of updating in the near future, but if not, see you in a few months! haha.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Where have all the men gone?
I've begun to notice a relationship trend recently in society, that really has me puzzled. More and more I see that guys are stepping back into the shadows and forcing girls to adopt a more aggressive role. Now, I'm not completely for traditional gender roles being the only thing allowed, but this is one that I do agree with. I definitely think that men are supposed to be the more aggressive person in a relationship. Honestly, the last thing I would ever want is a man who I could walk all over. I don't understand why in today's society, men are finding it so hard to walk up to a girl and tell them they think she's cute, or want to take her out, or want to be her boyfriend. I know that rejection is hard to take, but seriously, I know so many guys who are single, because they are "too shy" to approach a girl. Are you kidding me? When you finally get to date a girl and eventually fall in love, are you going to be "too shy" to ask her to marry you? Are you going to make her do that too? If you're hanging out with a girl a lot and kissing her you should be man enough to tell her where you're headed with that, not leave it up to her to ask you whats going on. If there's a girl you want to get to know better in order to eventually date her, you should be able to tell her that too! I think its ridiculous that so many men I know are incapable of these things. Personally, I and most girls I know don't want to wear the pants in the relationship, so men, you better step up and get your act together!
Food for Thought
I stumbled across this quote today and am rather sad to say that it's mostly true.
"I'm 99% sure that he doesn't like me, it's the 1% that keeps me hanging on."
I know that I've been guilty of this, and I know many other girls who have been too. And it makes me wonder why we do it to ourselves. What is it about a person that will keep you coming back again and again hoping that the 1% will come true, even though over and over again you're being beaten over the head with the 99%? The worst part is, many of us realize that we do it as we're doing it, and can't or wont stop the cycle, which cause us to be wasting on time on someone who doesn't deserve it, when there is likely someone right around the corner who does. I may be a girl, but I'll still never understand the way we think.
"I'm 99% sure that he doesn't like me, it's the 1% that keeps me hanging on."
I know that I've been guilty of this, and I know many other girls who have been too. And it makes me wonder why we do it to ourselves. What is it about a person that will keep you coming back again and again hoping that the 1% will come true, even though over and over again you're being beaten over the head with the 99%? The worst part is, many of us realize that we do it as we're doing it, and can't or wont stop the cycle, which cause us to be wasting on time on someone who doesn't deserve it, when there is likely someone right around the corner who does. I may be a girl, but I'll still never understand the way we think.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A New Month
Ok, so while I'm not entirely sure how long its been since my last entry, I know that it's been at least 23 days, since I have not yet blogged in the month of February! Ahh! I need to get better at this. Things have been going good lately. While there are one or two things that could still make my life that much better (say a job), I'm happy with where I am at.
I've spent most of my time this month hanging out with friends that I hadn't seen since high school. It's been a lot of fun, it's nice to have people to hang out with. Despite the fact that I hate living in Yucaipa, I'm grateful that I'm here simply because of these people. Hanging out with them is one of the few times in my life when i don't feel like i have to try. I can just be. Maybe I'm just growing up. But I like that I can say stupid crap, or tell a lame joke and not worry about their reaction.
Plus, through one of my friends I met this guy. It's kind of weird because if you had asked me when I first met him, I probably would have said that I couldn't see myself liking him, but that he'd be cool to hang out with as a friend. I'm really not sure how that changed, but we talk a lot and lately have been hanging out a lot. He thinks its funny that I don't like movies that are violent and bloody, so he makes me watch things like Rambo, and I retaliate by making him watch movies like P.S. I Love You. He makes amazingly delcious quesadillas. He's cute, he's ridiculously funny, and he makes me smile, even when he's not trying to. So, yeah, I couldn't tell you where any of it is heading right now, but for the moment, I'm enjoying it a lot, and we'll see.
I've spent most of my time this month hanging out with friends that I hadn't seen since high school. It's been a lot of fun, it's nice to have people to hang out with. Despite the fact that I hate living in Yucaipa, I'm grateful that I'm here simply because of these people. Hanging out with them is one of the few times in my life when i don't feel like i have to try. I can just be. Maybe I'm just growing up. But I like that I can say stupid crap, or tell a lame joke and not worry about their reaction.
Plus, through one of my friends I met this guy. It's kind of weird because if you had asked me when I first met him, I probably would have said that I couldn't see myself liking him, but that he'd be cool to hang out with as a friend. I'm really not sure how that changed, but we talk a lot and lately have been hanging out a lot. He thinks its funny that I don't like movies that are violent and bloody, so he makes me watch things like Rambo, and I retaliate by making him watch movies like P.S. I Love You. He makes amazingly delcious quesadillas. He's cute, he's ridiculously funny, and he makes me smile, even when he's not trying to. So, yeah, I couldn't tell you where any of it is heading right now, but for the moment, I'm enjoying it a lot, and we'll see.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I have discovered:
1) Game night/ cookie night is good for my soul.
* I mean really good. It gets me out of the house for a few hours, which my sanity truly appreciates. I have fun trying to play video games I've never played/heard of before and getting my ass kicked by Drew and Chuck.....well mostly Drew, haha.
2) Even though I want to eat healthy, I probably never will.
* I don't understand healthy eaters at all. How do you say no to all the delicious food out there? I can go a week, maybe two eating super healthy....and then one sniff of, I don't know, pick any food item, and bam! Healthy eating flies right out the window.
* Do they have therapy for this? Food Eaters Anonymous?
3) I can't live with some and be their best friend
* I find that all their annoying habits, that normally wouldn't bother me so much, in small doses, make me want to murder when subjected to them for long periods of time. Being exposed to one person for so long drives me crazy!
* This is not exactly true - I successfully lived with and loved Amanda, best roommate/best friend ever.
4) Despite my want to lie in bed and sleep all day, it actually is better to get up early.
* Today was a really good day, I was up around 9, got a bunch of stuff done, and managed to get it all done before my dad came home from work at 5. Now I call that a productive day!
* I mean really good. It gets me out of the house for a few hours, which my sanity truly appreciates. I have fun trying to play video games I've never played/heard of before and getting my ass kicked by Drew and Chuck.....well mostly Drew, haha.
2) Even though I want to eat healthy, I probably never will.
* I don't understand healthy eaters at all. How do you say no to all the delicious food out there? I can go a week, maybe two eating super healthy....and then one sniff of, I don't know, pick any food item, and bam! Healthy eating flies right out the window.
* Do they have therapy for this? Food Eaters Anonymous?
3) I can't live with some and be their best friend
* I find that all their annoying habits, that normally wouldn't bother me so much, in small doses, make me want to murder when subjected to them for long periods of time. Being exposed to one person for so long drives me crazy!
* This is not exactly true - I successfully lived with and loved Amanda, best roommate/best friend ever.
4) Despite my want to lie in bed and sleep all day, it actually is better to get up early.
* Today was a really good day, I was up around 9, got a bunch of stuff done, and managed to get it all done before my dad came home from work at 5. Now I call that a productive day!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Pet Peeves
1) Bad Drivers
- People who cut in front of you when your going 75 and they're going 45.
- People who don't signal when changing lanes, especially when they shoot across 4 lanes!
- People who don't realize that there is a sensor beneath the ground at a stop light and if you
stop 30 feet behind the crosswalk, you wont trigger it and therefore the light will NOT change.
2) Bad spelling and poor grammar
- Know the difference between there, their, and they're!
- Coffee is not spelled c-o-f-f-i-e
- Not everything that has an "s" added to the end requires an apostrophe
- Side Note: If you have a general grasp of these concepts, I'm not too picky, but its people who can't even write a simple sentence with clarity that truly scare me.
3) Music Snobs
- There is no way that everyone listens/enjoys the exact same music. Just because you like a band that I've never heard of does not make you better than me. And it does not make what I listen to complete crap.
I probably have more than just these three, but they're the only ones really bugging me at the moment, haha.
- People who cut in front of you when your going 75 and they're going 45.
- People who don't signal when changing lanes, especially when they shoot across 4 lanes!
- People who don't realize that there is a sensor beneath the ground at a stop light and if you
stop 30 feet behind the crosswalk, you wont trigger it and therefore the light will NOT change.
2) Bad spelling and poor grammar
- Know the difference between there, their, and they're!
- Coffee is not spelled c-o-f-f-i-e
- Not everything that has an "s" added to the end requires an apostrophe
- Side Note: If you have a general grasp of these concepts, I'm not too picky, but its people who can't even write a simple sentence with clarity that truly scare me.
3) Music Snobs
- There is no way that everyone listens/enjoys the exact same music. Just because you like a band that I've never heard of does not make you better than me. And it does not make what I listen to complete crap.
I probably have more than just these three, but they're the only ones really bugging me at the moment, haha.
