Getting Past the Hurt

Today's blog is going back a ways into the past. To an event that if you asked me I would tell you that I was over and past. But a person I know recently told me that its obvious to her, despite my saying to the contrary, that I am not over it.

There was a guy that I liked for a very long time. He was my brother's best friend and lived next door to me for years. As far as I knew he was perfect. It was the type of thing where my parents knew how I felt and wanted nothing more than for me to eventually be with and marry this man. I was younger than him and knew that since he was my brother's best friend, he saw me as too young, an annoyance, maybe even a sister. But I always had this thought in the back of my head that one day I would grow up and when I was a woman, he would take notice of me.

All this was blown out of the water, when, during my sophomore year of college, he got married. One of the most difficult things I ever did was watch this man marry someone else. But I moved on. I got involved with someone else and never looked back. Senior year of college rolls around, and he gets divorced. I get a phone call from him one night telling me that he's hanging out with my brother and I should come down...needless to say I went.

That night, I knew I had to come clean. I broke down and told him everything, how long I liked him, how his wedding nearly killed me, etc. I remember I cried the whole time, because finally, I had this huge weight lifted from my shoulder and he finally knew. That night he kissed me or I kissed him, whatever, for the first time.

After that, I tried to tell him that I wanted to hang out with him more. That I knew he was still upset from the divorce, but I wanted to be friends. He got all weirded out. If I asked him how he was doing, all of a sudden I was "prying" into his life. He would tells things to friends of mine that he barely knew, and not tell me. If he was in the area, he'd try to make it so i didn't know. Of course I was extremely hurt by this, even though I couldn't get him to understand why. This was about a year ago.

Now, he's moved into the area and our non-relationship is so weird and I don't know how to handle it. It's so obvious that he treats me different (worse) than other "friends." If we're in a group of people he'll hug everyone there, then completely skip over me. He talks to me different and if somehow we're left alone doesn't speak to me at all.

This person I mentioned earlier, told me that it's my fault. That he can sense I'm not over what happened before and is responding to that. Also saying that my expectations of him are unreal. And that my demeanor changes whenever he's around. But I feel like, my actions are a direct response to his current treatment of me. I am over the past. So much has happened in my life since then and that has taken a back seat to things that have occurred since then. And I don't feel like my expectations are unreal. This man is in my life, because my brother is his 'brother' my parents are his 'parents.' I have to see him regularly and I am trying so hard to make things ok between us, because if I have to see him and be around him all the time, I can't handle being yelled at when I ask him how's he's been or to the complete opposite being ignored. I really don't think it's asking too much that he treats me as he treats his other friends.

Any thoughts?