The Shack

I don't know how many people have read 'The Shack' but the book is the inspiration for my blog title. I can't explain too much about it, because if you haven't read it and intend to, I really don't want to spoil it for you, it is an amazing book that has completely changed my viewpoint on God and the World.

Anyways, I have been struggling lately with feeling ignored. By God, by family, by friends. To be frank, I hate it. I hate feeling that no one cares about the things I have to say, it makes me feel as if I, as a person, have no worth and thus the things I say have no worth. Looking back I know this isn't true, but it doesn't stop the feeling. I don't think people realize, how little things they do or say can affect those around them.

Example: Last night I was sitting with a group of friends. We were all talking about different things God was teaching us lately. I listened intently to what others had to say and responded to their feelings when necessary. However, when we finally reached a lull in conversation where I thougt, this is MY moment now to share, everything changed. I began to explain what has been weighing on my heart lately, and what I thought God was trying to say to me, only to be interrupted mid-sentence with a "So what your really saying is this" kind of comment. I politely inform them, "No, what I'm trying to say is..." Before I get off again. When I once again try to re-insert myself into the conversation, saying "No, what I'm trying to explain is..." I am AGAIN interrupted and asked "Why are you disagreeing with everything we say?" "You're being stubborn," etc. etc. Before i know it I can't even get a word out of my mouth and they are all laughing.

Sitting in my lone chair I was so upset. I was about to start crying, which I really didn't want to do, and so I got up and sat in the car. No one came over to apologize or check on me or anything. I have never felt so rejected and dejected in my life. Why couldn't they let me speak my piece, why did they have to laugh at me? Why do I still feel like a small child trapped in a world of adults rather than an equal among my friends?

I know that i didn't have to get so upset, I could have just sucked it up and waited for everyone to calm down and tried again. But I'd be a liar if I tried to claim that as my first instictive reaction to the situation. I didn't cry until I got home that night, but the entire time those tears fell down my face, I prayed. I was curled up in fetal position on my bed, wrapped in my covers, pillowcase soaked in my tears, but I felt so comforted and I knew in that moment, that no matter how alone in the world I felt, I am never alone, I always have someone who will listen to me, and understand me and never laugh at me, unless we are laughing together.

I may never get to vist the shack, but I don't need to see face to face what I know is always with me.